Currently Listening Garden State By Various Artists see related

B-CC lost the Homecoming Game. How...well I suppose they're just getting back into the swing of things. One of the sad parts, is that we played one of the worst highschools in the league. Oh well, it's B-CC football afterall.

As for the dance, it really wasn't fun. Although some good times beforehand with Julia, Matt, Sarah, Michelle, and Justin, the dance was not the highlight of life. In fact it was rather depressing. Although such dances normally are.

How Did I Get Here?
How The Hell...
Christmas

Christmas Eve - Last Year
How Could A Night So Frozen
Be So Scalding Hot?
How Can A Morning This Mild
Be So Raw?

Why Are Entire Years Strewn
On The Cutting Room Floor Of Memory
When Single Frames From One Magic Night
Forever Flicker In Close-Up
On The 3D Imax Of My mind

That's Poetic
That's Pathetic

Rent lyrics save the day once again. O-M-G angst! Ew. I was so happy. bleahlehlajfheak.

I hate feeling sad. It takes me in, consumes me entirely. I begin to sufficate under the pulls of petty greif that takes me from inside and sucks away any happy thought I have.

Every happy memory is now tainted, and I can't change that. I wasn't good enough. Maybe not thin enough, pretty, nice, smart, perfect, etc. I wasn't good enough and now I've lost one of the greatest people I've ever known.

It's funny how at first, I didn't like people calling me. Now I run to the phone hoping it's him. I'd even be okay with something less than any romantic idea of him. Just best friends again is all that I ask, all that I want. I need it for some reason I can't recall. It's strange how I talked to him so many late nights, not realizing what I had in front of me. I finally did, and then I'm replaced.

I can't really describe how shitty I've felt in the past 24 hours. I've cried more than I can ever remember. I wish I was good enough. I can relate so many things to amazing times we've had. Places and things we've talked about are flooding my mind every second.

The idea of still being just friends with him, and not best friends is something I don't think I can deal with. I can't see him in the halls and still breathe, because I know I lost something so important to me. I can't even be mad at him, only mad at myself for loosing someone so important to me.

I don't remember ever being this sad. I know it may seem petty to many of you, or you may not care, but I can't deal with loosing one of my best friends. I've lost so many already. Nothing is to blame besides myself. I feel so pathetic, I'm wearing something he made for me. I don't think he understands how much he really hurt me. I suppose he won't ever know, for I can't even regain the courage to call him once more.

I miss him, and I saw him yesterday. I miss the friendship we had, that I let slip away because I'm such an idiot. Even George W. wouldn't be this stupid. I feel like I'm overreacting, but I can't stop it. Each feeling is getting more intense by the second.  He doesn't miss me. I don't think he even cares that I'm living. I really doubt he does. I don't know what to do.

I don't know to do...I miss him.

Currently Listening Rent (1996 Original Broadway Cast) By Jonathan Larson, Jonathan Larson, Tim Weil, Jeff Potter, Anthony Jackson, Daniel A. Weiss, Ira Siegel, Kenny Brescia, Dominique Derasse, Steve Skinner, Adam Pascal, Aiko Nakasone, Anthony Rapp, Byron Utley, Daphne Rubin-Vega, Fredi Walker, Gilles Chiasson, Gwen Stewart, Idina Menzel, Jesse L. Martin, Kristen Lee Kelly, Rodney Hicks, Stevie Wonder, Taye Diggs, Timothy Britten Parker, Wilson Jermaine Heredia Christmas Bells see related

I wish I could find something of interest to say, but I really don't think anything in my life is particularly interesting. Although there have been moments where it's worth while. But, a summary of the past few days will be amusing to write for the time being...

This week blurs, such a highschool days do, one with another, nothing really new occuring. I don't mind it though. I suppose I will get restless soon, but for right now, things are just flowing. Which is supposedly good, but it's so strange to me...

The best thing about highschool is definitely the chance too see so many people again!!!! Which is just magnificent, yay!!! The downside is that one person in particular has been rather aggravating, but life goes on. One person will not make everyday a bad day, or at least, not that bad.

Again, I don't think that this update actually said anything besides my pointless droning. Well, I'm off to do English.

Step into a doorway in my mind
This is where you live
It's where you live
I forgot the things that I could find
I have not been in here for years

Hi-igh, hi-igh igh igh ohh ooo High-igh

I climbed the stairs that hide beneath the vines
I walked through the year over-growth of time
Up to where we sat in clouds of smoke
Up to where we swam in pools of hope

Hi-igh, hi-igh igh igh ohh ooo High-igh
Hi-igh igh igh ohh ooo high-igh hi-igh igh igh ohh ooo high igh igh

And all the while im looking for your half smile or something that will show me that you are still around
And all the while im looking for you half smile or something that will show me that ooooh that you still know me
yeah you still know me

Futher on the pavement starts to crack
This is where we fell, it's where we fell
where smoke turns to haze
i hesitate, and i choose to lead the way came

hi-igh igh igh ohh ooo hi-igh

Outside its overcast and visions hard to find
But the memories will be my guide
Cause even though I know our skins have changed
The colours that we share will still remain
Hi-igh igh igh ohh ooo

And all the while im looking for your half smile or something that will show me that you are still around
And all the while im looking for you half smile or something that will show me that ooooh that you still know me
yeah you still know me

Step into a doorway in my mind
This is where you live

Well today is the fourth anniversary of 9/11. Strange to think it's been four years... I actually really don't want to think about it because I've though and written about it in years past...it's just a ifferent feeling.

The lyrics above are by Lior. He's fantastic. Anyway, I'm going to go. this was a really pointless update...